Dormant
Yeah. This site is practically dormant and hasn't been updated for ages. If you still wanna see more of my blogs, go to my personal site. Personal because it's actually meant to be viewed by people I personally know.
Owel. Just check it out. Tag if you may. Change my link if you may. Thanks!
http://katherlynz.blogdrive.com
Falling out, Falling in, NOTHING'S SURE IN THIS WORLD... there's a rainbow always after the rain.
I have been going through a lot lately. The phrase "a lot" can't even express half of how terrible I've been feeling. It was just like yesterday when Ambassador Preciosa S. Soliven interviewed me, impromptu style, and honored me as our batch's High School Valedictorian. Everything felt very blissful then. Sleepless nights of studying, doing group projects alone (ironical, eh? But not really.), memorizing important historical dates, and so on, finally paid off. I got the chance to do what I dreamed of: doing my Valedictory speech. A speech that's so worthwhile everybody would just listen. I got what I wanted as a gift: a 12-inch Powerbook. I got what I needed: a vacation. But it seems that I just can't have all that I wanted.
(For those who wish to read further, thank you for taking the time. For those who
doesn't wish to, I understand. Who would want to read a horrible current status like mine?)
Last year, we just moved in to a bigger place here in Valle Verde. It was a big house. Spacious. Big garden. 4 big rooms. It was almost like a dream house. We had three cars, one coming after the other. We had shopping sprees almost every week. My allowance was raised. My wants were met (read: wants are different from needs. In short,
luho). I should say I had the time of my life. My family enjoyed every single day without having to think too hard about possible shortcomings.
Apart from all these, we were always very humble. Especially my dad who would always know how to adapt to other people's ways of living. Nobody would ever mistake our family to be making it very big in life for we would always enjoy the low-profile living. But I guess, that time is over.
A few weeks before I graduate, our Honda CRV is nowhere in sight.
Noong una, inisip kong nasa Service Center lang 'yon for a car check-up. But one week has passed and we still don't have it. My aunt from Denmark came and as they were talking about things, my dad just had to drop the bomb that he resigned as President of the sister company he originally works for.
[Brief Backgrounnd here: My dad has two Pharmaceutical companies his employer asked him to handle, with him as the acting President and CEO. He first gave up on company
dahil maraming tao ang naninira sakanya. Bakit? Eh kelan ba naman hindi siniraan ang taong gumagawa ng mabuti para sa isang kumpanya? It's not because he's my dad that's why I'm sugarcoating his name, but come on! It's the world of business we're talking about here. It's about fighting for the fittest.]
And because our CRV is the car the company gave him, he has to give it back. I wasn't bothered then. I mean, of course, I felt bad about losing the CRV. I can just remember the smile in my dad's face when he rode in the CRV for a test drive. He was overjoyed. From being a Quiapo lad who had high dreams and got the chance to finish in UST with flying colors, his dreams are finally coming true. And now, all of sudden, things are fading... simply because he did his best for the company.
During the first week of April, my dad officially announced it. He's also resigning from the other company he holds. Not only the "other" company, but also, the last company, the last job he has. I was terrified. But I didn't show it. I was emotionless at that time. I knew he wouldn't do that if there wasn't anything he could get money from. He knows I wanted to be in Ateneo so much. He probably has another offer I suppose. Just to find out that he finally wants to step ahead. He's now putting up a pharmaceutical business on his own.
My feet were clapping. "Finally" I thought. But I guess "finally" wasn't the right word to say when my dad said that. I should have thought of this: "And now our journey starts..." I realized that it wouldn't be easy after all. The business needed a 3M peso capital. My dad, being the 60% shareholder really needs to bring out cash. He sold one of our Toyota Corolla Altis... leaving us now with only one car (though we're buying a new one next week, it would just be a Vios.)
All these happened in a span of 3 weeks. It was like watching my world depart. It was hard to give the support they needed when I, myself could not really fathom what was taking place. I must admit, I hated the world. I lost trust in God. I assumed na
patikim lang lahat ng sarap sa buhay ko no'n. I thought that I was a big fool to believe all the riches would last.
But embarking on a self-business, losing two cars, no more shopping sprees as often as we used to, no more weekly allowances even during the summer, was still not enough. One day, my dad and mom brought in our house a Feng Shui expert. I totally did not believe in those people. He asked us to pull away a lot of our very expensive furnitures out of our home for the main reason that they were
"malas". I felt bad to the bones about that.
Sa totoo lang, hinde ko na alam saan o kanino ako magagalit. I almost cried as our furnitures were pulled out one after the other.
Weeks later, I saw a list on the master's bedroom. My parents are selling some of our furnitures. Garden set, antique furnitures... around 15-20 pieces of classic and expensive house pieces. My heart pounded when I saw that list. Never knew that a list could possibly make me feel numb inside. I realized that they were selling it for two reasons: one, to earn extra money and two, because they won't fit anymore in the new house we're moving in come the last week of May.
I didn't want leave the house. My dad very much knew about that. We saw this townhomes in Greenhills and it was also a big house. But not as big as what we have right now. My dad keeps on asking me if I liked it. I would always give a frail "yes" answer. Among the family, it was always me he'd ask repetitively. I know he's worried a lot about what I think on the things happening around us. As the eldest of the three siblings, I am more conscious and more sensitive of the events. But in reality, I worry not because I didn't want the house. I worry for my dad. I just wanted to make sure he also wanted the house we're living in.
Ayoko na ako lang ang may gusto dun. O si mama lang. Gusto ko, gusto ni papa dun. Eventually, I'm starting to feel he like's it there.
Slowly but surely, my dad's taking a step at a time. Even if he's tired, he'd always come home with a smile on his face telling me, "Kath, nakakita na kami ng office space. It was a really nice office, complete with the dividers. You should come to our office one time." or sometimes, "Kath, maybe you could check my email for me. Baka sinend yung approval para sa name ng company namin." He says that everytime with a wide grin on his face. But still, things didn't come easy for him. It needed an everyday visit to the adoration chapel in Christ the King Parish and every weekend mass in the said church. It really wasn't easy for any member of the family.
But I must confess, more than half of the time that we hear mass, I hardly listen. I was so confused. I was almost cursing God for giving our family such a hard time. Just this Monday, we were in our Lady of Manaog in Pangasinan. Four hours of travel going there and I wasted it. I didn't give a damn about the mass we attended. I saw the worst of me after the mass ended.
Maybe because of that, even worse things are happening to me. I am gaining more weight. I have no friend to whom I can share all these problems. I am not talking with my mom for the three days now. It's not like we don't get in a rift ever so often, but this time, it was different. We just don't talk. The moment she talks to me, it's all about bad things. I don't wanna let her see my pain. I try to keep the pain inside.
Hindi na nila kelangan pang malaman yon. They are going through a lot.
Ayokong dumagdag sa struggle nila ni Papa sa business na 'to This time around, everything has to be right. I don't want to be the margin of error.
Now, if you're still reading this, thanks a lot. I extend my warmest gratitude to you for sharing some time. Right now, I just want to have a better tomorrow. I want to be a better Christian. I want to lose weight. I want to talk to my mom. I want to start college and start a new life.
It's not like I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth
kaya masama ang loob ko sa pagtitipid naming ngayong. Truth be told, we used to live in a small apartment in Mandaluyong when I was just a new-born child. We stayed there for eight years. But I guess, if you were in my shoes who always thought that if ever a change takes place, it would be for the better, wouldn't you feel terrible when the better change you've been expecting turns out to be otherwise?
Currently, I'm still trapped in this sadness and deppression. But just to let you
know, I won't lead to something extreme. On the lighter note, Meteor Garden gives me a one-hour getaway from all these problems. =)
The world that is... SHOWBIZ
DISCLAIMER: If there are some points in this entry that you strongly disagree with, please, do not cuss on my tag board or comment page. These are personal opinions so... bear with it? Yeah. Bear with it. =)
If there were anything I'd take with me in a stranded island, aside from bringing with me the usual how-to book on building a strong raft or boat, I'd have for myself my 29" tv, power source and cord.
By far, I am a TV addict as compared with anyone else I happen to know.
I guess I can trace my addiction for watching anything sensible on TV back when I was still an infant and my yaya would always
just look after me. She forgets about lending a hand in the kitchen or in washing the clothes, or cleaning the house. All she does is stay with me. Sleep with me. Play with me. Watch TV with me.
Buhay sanggol nga rin daw, as how my mom would put it the day after our maid was asked to leave the house a few months after my third birthday party.
So for the first three years in my life, I was exposed to watching a lot of TV. Cartoons. Mara Clara. Ang TV. You name it. I'm most probably aware of it. 16 years after, I'm still a TV addict, and swear. It has influenced me a lot. From opinions to icons to ambition... sometimes, you can just blame it to the media!!! :)
I actually dreamed of becoming a Video Jockey for a couple of times. I thought it was cool to see yourself on TV, with people simply adoring your linguistic-slash-communicating skills. But that later on faded as I was so driven to pursue a course in Business. But just recently, out of the blue, I thought of becoming an
artista, a celebrity. Let me give you some of my reasons why:
1. It's COOL to see yourself on TV. It's the fame, man! ;) Since Filipinos are simply the way they are, you appear once on TV and you are a star to your neighbors' eyes. You appear twice and your fame extends to your school environment. You appear more than thrice and some people might actually come to you, have a picture with you and ask your autograph (though deep inside, you know you're not an established artist...
at all)
2. You get paid while doing what you love. I love to dance. I love to sing. I love to host. I can try anything set before me. And if given the chance to be on television, be a celebrity, and do all these, and above all, get paid... whoah. It's like blogging in your online diary and getting paid for it!!
3. Gain a little name, and you get yourself sponsors, baby! Create a good image for yourself. Do a little name in the industry and before you know it, you'll get yourself endorsements and even better... fashion sponsors. Nothing's better than going inside an outlet that sponsors you and get any clothes you want without having to pay a single centavo. Once, I saw Luis Manzano at Human in Powerplant. Since he is the endorser of the shop, he went in with nothing and exited Human with bags of clothes he could hardly carry. Nice.
4. You get to rub shoulders with celebrities you used to see only in your tv screens. Nothings better than the feeling of excitement and elation of seeing your celebrity icons and crushes in person. And this time, you don't have to bring with you a pen and your notebook, or even your camera because you know you'll always get the chance to see them. Capturing a photo with them won't be a big deal because you can always ask one from them (with you, of course) with ease.
5. It builds confidence. To appear in front of a massive crowd and entertain them is a challenge that not everybody is able to go through with ease. When you're a celebrity, you're given the chance to overcome this... which is good, really.
6. You become beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, attractive, whatever. Of course, even if you have that spark already or even if you register well on camera, the bosses will still require you to take extra effort to beautifying yourself. Thus, you can ask your parents to allow you to a SPA treatment, salon, facial treatment and all that, and they won't even think twice. They know you'll need it.
Well, these are just
some of the many things that I think come along with being a celebrity. Of course I don't think all these are true because I am not a celebrity, but this is just how I see it. You see, I can be a celebrity... that is, if I wanted to. But... I don't. Now, here are some of the reasons why:
1. The chismis simply suck...big time Though show business is a great experience to take part of, I don't see myself years from now guesting in The Buzz and making clear to people that I am not pregnant. I am a private person and I don't want just anybody to meddle with it. Once you become a celebrity, the thing is the moment you sign a contract, you also get to be the crowd's property. They gain the right to dip in your lives... which I totally find unfair.
Parang ginawang telenovela ang personal na buhay ng mga artista. I don't see myself walking along the aisles of Powerplant and find people staring at me because last week, I just admitted to a talk show that I am married at an early age. Pssh. That would suck big time.
2. You gain more friends. You gain more enemies. You find lesser true people. I guess that should be self-explanatory.
3. It is not a permanent environment to be in. You get into showbiz, you gain a little name for yourself, until you turned big. Projects come to you one after the other, people just go crazy over you. The spotlight's on you until another celebrity rises and you have to take the back seat. All artists, I believe, have their own time frame. Once you reach the peak of your career, there's nowhere else to go but down. And once that happens, if you haven't prepared for the fall,
san ka pupulutin?4. It deprives you of education. I am a student right now so I don't get to appreciate school as much as those who are deprived of being school does. But I know for a fact that it is important. Others opt for home study but nothing beats the feeling of cramming, rushing for projects, orals, exams, and all the rewarding hardships you get to experience when you're in school.
5. You do something wrong, you're given no second chances. You admit you're pregnant, the next day, no more screaming fans. You mispronounce
"pain" to
"fain" and you'll find people laughing at you non-stop. You try your hardest to speak good english and people will mock you and call you
"bobo". In short, once you're a celebrity, half of the time, you have to make yourself perfect. You'll never know how people will react to what you do or say. Although any ordinary person can get to undergo the same mistakes, once you're in showbiz, I guess you can no longer be considered ordinary.
6. You can't do all things you used to do. If before you and your barkada enjoy hanging out in a
carinderia or be loud at parties or wear outfits only you can understand why you wear such, once you are a celebrity, your free will is limited. Admit it or not, things are meant to change.
7. Ok, so not only things change... you change. Admit it or not, once you become a celebrity, you change. May it be for the better or worse, you do. I'm threatened of entering the world of showbiz because I might change and people might not be welcoming of the change.
8. I AM FAT... ... and to look even bigger on tv with 15 pounds additional, well, I don't know. I don't like the idea, thankyouverymuch. haha
9. I am not pretty, gorgeous, whatever. Yun na!There. so maybe I have three more reasons of not being a celebrity rather be one, but who knows, if that's for me and somebody gives a good offer, I just might take it into consideration. By the time I'll get myself a million pesos from that job, I'd get myself a closetful of ensembles, countless of shoes, bags, digital camera, new phone, everything imaginable. But right now, to be a celebrity is just on my TOP 10 list of what I want to experience in life.
Eto parin shempre ang mga top prorities ko:
1. College studies.
2. Be a better Catholic.
3. Be a better daughter, friend, individual.
4. Lengthen my patience for Mr. Right's arrival (haha)
5. Improve my writing and speaking skills.
There. Celebrity sure brings what any person could want... glitz, glamour, fame, money, but it's still different when you're just an ordinary girl (or boy) addicted to watching TV, swooning over your favorite stars, and waiting for your crush to guest on a certain show. =)
...and before I even forget..
Happy Mother's Day, Ma! And to all the mother's out there... =)
The other side of Me.
You are the classic southern belle. You are kind,
proper, responsible, and very adult like. You attend church every Sunday and you have grace, poise, and are very dainty. You are mature beyond your years and prefer gentlemen of well kept families for your marrying. But don't be afraid to break loose from your corset strings
once and awhile and just have some fun. You're only a kid once.
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
SPIRITS
If you know about ABS CBN's Spirits (with the tagline:
"Astig maging iba!"), then you know what the title implies. No.
I am not an avid fan. Not until a month ago, that is.
The moment it was shown on air around the first week of December, I cared not to watch its pilot episode, not even the succeeding episodes, for theses simple reasons:
1. I don't know who the lead actors are. (Truth be told and no offense meant but, I primarily thought it was a tv series wherein all patapon artists were combined.)
2. I know Serena Dalrymple (she is my schoolmate) and Maja Salvador (because my classmate keeps on telling me she's pretty but I always said she's charming, not cute) but I am not their fans.
3. The month it was aired was also the month when work started to pile up on me as a Senior high school student running for honors.
4. I am not fond of watching teleseryes. I'd rather drool over CSI and Alias, please.
So you see, there weren't any justifiable reason for me to watch that until... I discovered my sister has a big crush on Rayver Cruz. Who the hell was he? I first thought. Then as I was quietly watching ASAP, the ever so-gwapo Echo Rosales introduced the next production number to be performed by Shaina, Maja, blah blah, and Rayver Cruz. There. I saw him. And what can I say, he simply owned the dance floor.
I did not crush on him at first sight though. It took a process, as a matter of fact. I tried to push myself though to the fact of giving "Spirits" a chance and watch at least one episode, and so I did. But I thought it sucked. haha. But who could blame me? I didn't get to understand what they were talking about...
Dumalag, Tagasundo, Tripon... I mean who the hell are they? But then, the following nights, I had no choice but to watch it. It was the only show everyone here at home is stuck to. Every television set is tuned in to ABS CBN. So, you see, I'm left with no choice at all but to watch with them. Well, of course, there's this choice of just sitting in the corner and wait for you butt to grow big, but who wants that? =)
After a full week of watching it, I enjoyed it (believe it or not). Although it was hard for me to fathom at first what these characters were talking about, thanks to my sister who willingly told me the synopsis-slash- the event that occured everytime I question her, I slowly (and surely) absorbed the plot of the series. And eventually, had the opportunity to watch it independently (no more questions that I cannot answer). Somehow, I was proud. Yes. It is shallow, but when you're totally clueless about something and eventually found an answer to that, wouldn't you just be proud?
So there, everyday, walang mintis, I watch Spirits. It became a part of my daily routine. I bum around the whole day, but come 8pm, you'd find me in front of the TV set, quiet, and watching Spirits. But of course, aside from watching it, Rayver was a big plus factor. I like him. (Go figure! *smiles*)
A few minutes ago, Spirits ended. It has been extended for three weeks, so I expected something big from them. Because of the endless advertisements saying,
"Ang pinaka-aabangang digmaan ng mabuti at masama" I was expecting for something explosive. Scenes that would require the lead cast to combine their powers and defeat their nemesis. Generally, I was expecting for something that can possibly make history.
Well... they just didn't do that. And I was so disappointed. The usual scenario went on. The good side made an entrance, complete with their gears and powerful facade. The bad side also made their fair entrance. Prior to that, both sides also prepared wisely and almost convincingly to win the battle. But come the battle day, I almost fell from my seat. Not from astonishment. But from disappointment. In short,
sayang lahat. Maybe because I expected a lot from it, that's why. But I also knew that they just might come up with Book 2.
Apart from the appalling ending, I would just have to admit. I will miss the series. For one month, it has been a part of my life. It was something I look forward to day in-day out. Moreover, more than it being a horror tv series (it wasn't even horrifying to me AT ALL), it also revolved on the
story of true friendship and love.I guess that was the real magic of it. It wasn't a great series. It wasn't something you'd die to watch for, but once you see it, it's plot somehow creates this glue onto viewers that it would stick to you , no fail. It worked for me.
So till I see Spirits again. And as for Rayver? Hmm... he has ASAP on hand, right? =)
yehey. blogspot.
this is my second official site. meaning i have another one which i prefer not to tell. that is only open for people i am extensively close to. enjoy your stay here as i fix my site. =)
